Lisa @ The Preacher’s Wife had a very intriguing post a few days ago that really has me thinking. I encourage you all to read it here and think about the questions she asks.

As you all know if you saw my Week 2- Project 52 post Matt resigned from his job earlier this month. So now we are looking for him a ‘tent-making’ job and starting the church planting journey. I’m excited about this but I’m also scared out of my mind.

For me this is taking a lot of faith. Most of the time more faith than I feel like I have. I don’t know anything about church planting and I really struggle with feeling inadequate. Is God really sure that he wants me to be a part of this? Doesn’t he know me and all my imperfections?

I really have to cling to the fact that He is who He says He is. And that doesn’t come easy for me. But His plan is not about me, it’s about Him. And luckily I don’t have to find my worth in people. I can only find my worth in the Lord.

My prayer is that these attitudes of my heart will become the attitudes of my life because currently there is a disconnect. I’m living in fear and allowing other’s perceptions of me (my looks, my hobbies, my ‘christian-ness’, my talents) to guide my actions. I claim my favorite verse is Psalm 27. I think it’s time I start believing it.

Psalm 27
A David Psalm

1 Light, space, zest— that's God!
So, with him on my side I'm fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

2 When
vandal hordes ride down ready to eat me
alive, Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

3 When
besieged, I'm calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I'm collected and cool.

4 I'm asking
God for one thing, only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long. I'll
contemplate his beauty; I'll study at his

5 That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world, The
perfect getaway, far from the buzz of

6 God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I'm singing God-songs;
I'm making music to God.

7-9 Listen,
God, I'm calling at the top of my lungs: "Be
good to me! Answer me!" When my heart whispered, "Seek God,"
my whole being replied,
"I'm seeking him!" Don't
hide from me now!

9-10 You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.

11-12 Point me
down your highway, God; direct me along a
well-lighted street; show my enemies whose
side you're on. Don't throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

13-14 I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God! Take heart.
Don't quit. I'll say it again:
Stay with God.


6 Responses to "Disconnect"

Preachers said... January 28, 2010 at 12:09 PM

Hey darlin' Alyson!

I loved this post and particularly love the heart behind it. If it does anything for you, I prayed Psalm 27 on the 27th and sobbed the entire way through it. He is your protector, your safe place and He will shelter you in His tabernacle!

Love you sweet friend!


Kendra Lee said... January 28, 2010 at 1:12 PM

Hey Alyson - If it's any consolation, I felt the EXACT SAME WAY in February 2008! I could've written your exact words. There are so many unknowns during this transition time, time of stepping out in faith in obedience to God's calling. So many questions, self-doubts etc.

Just remember 1) God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called 2) If He's called you to it, He'll see you through it! 3) Remember, YOU can't... but HE can! When you look at the immediate future (and beyond) and it looks nearly impossible, that's because it is. But, that's when God likes to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT and get some glory!!

I understand the disconnect, the doubt and the discouragement and I WILL be praying for you, girlfriend!!!

Allen and Jessica said... January 28, 2010 at 1:37 PM

You're such a beautiful soul, Alyson. . . Thank you for sharing. So glad we're walking this road together. Your words are like echos from my own spirit. . .

Lindsey Nobles said... January 28, 2010 at 9:33 PM

Great post. Loved hanging out to night and get to know you better.

andi oakes said... January 29, 2010 at 6:17 AM

There's a book I saw recently and it was entitled "Feel the fear and do it anyway"! :)
I don't think you realise how much you are actually capable of Alyson, but Grace and I see it in you and we know that you are God's woman.
Just keep walking the walk one day at a time, enjoy the adventure and don't live tomorrows problems today.
We love you and miss you both!

patsy said... January 29, 2010 at 3:30 PM

I have been thinking and praying for you these past weeks. I am glad that you posted your feeling in your blog. Some women would just cover it up like make-up on a pimple. Then at some opportune time it burst open like fireworks on 4th of July. When you feel helpless and worried, let that be a sign to you that you need to turn to God. He says, I AM your refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble. Psalms 46:1 Alyson, you are full of life and excitement but worry will rob you of this and cause you to become a tired old woman before your time. I have found that I have worried about a lot of things that never came to be. God promises us that when we do face the hard times that He will be there to hold us up. Have a wonderful day in the Lord. He is faithful.